Why Wasn’t I Born A Mutant?!


If you were anything like me growing up, you probably were an avid watcher of shows like The Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, X-Men, Spiderman and a whole host of other superhero programs that filled your head with a bunch of crap but also, made you feel pretty awesome. Also, if you were like me, you spent many hours attempting to move objects solely with the power of your mind only to fail and then curl yourself into a ball and weep violently because God didn’t love you enough to bless you with telekinesis… err, not that I ever did that.

So I got to thinking, how different would the world be if people actually had superpowers like the ones we see on TV or in the movies? For the most part, it would be pretty kickass but on the other hand, it would probably suck donkey balls.

Imagine you’re walking down the street one day and suddenly somebody grabs you from behind and demands all your money. You, being the badass that you are, manage to get free and run away. Suddenly, the dude throws a lightning bolt at you and it completely blows your ass off. I don’t know about you, but I for one like and need my ass. Crime is bad enough as it is; we don’t need freakin’ super-criminals who could go around blowing people’s asses off. Can you imagine a world with no asses?! That is a world I don’t want to live in.

On the other hand, if responsible people were given superpowers, that could be totally rad. Like, imagine being able to teleport and see the world in an instant? Or fly and feel as free as a bird? Or have X-Ray vision and see hot people naked? Err… I mean… huh? I would never do that.

All in all, I think the big guy upstairs knew what he was doing when he made us all “normal”. I guess having a select group of men with the power to do whatever they wanted, with no consequences at all would be a bit unfair to the rest of us, but we can rest soundly knowing that that will never ever happen… unless you work in government.

I for one, am fairly happy living my life without any superpowers, but on a totally unrelated note: Does anyone know where I can find a radioactive spider or some gamma radiation? I’m, uh… asking for a friend.


One comment on “Why Wasn’t I Born A Mutant?!

  1. If only superpowers were something limited to the world of “growing up”. I can think of a select group of men with the power to do whatever they want. In fact I can think of a nation which is certainly not happy to live a life without any superpowers. I’m thinking North Korea … and their substantial arsenal of chemical and biological weapons. Oh yeah and their secret power; the nuclear program. Apparently their nuclear weapons serve as an “all-powerful treasured sword for protecting the sovereignty and security of the country”. Sounds like a superhero, with an insecurity complex, gone rogue. I wonder how far they’ve traced the consequences of their ‘superpower’. Perhaps a small historical tour of their horrific war-strewn past might do them good. Anyway, re: your friend. Sorry can’t help with the radioactive spider but I’m sure DPRK could spare you/your friend some plutonium or enriched uranium. I bet they’ll be just as good.

Holla at your boy... or not. Whatever.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s