Aliens Abduct Innocent Felines!

This is meant to be a tabloid story for our student newspaper. It is obviously completely made up. Hope you guys like it!

Disturbing news emanating from the Pietermaritzburg area today as there have been numerous reports of cats mysteriously vanishing without a trace. Some of the local residents claim to have seen unidentifiable lights in the sky before the cats in question disappeared and believe that there may be involvement by extraterrestrials.

One of the residents, a Ms. Sandra Pitcher, actually witnessed a supposed abduction taking place. She states: “I couldn’t believe my eyes. The sky was dark but suddenly, these balls of light appeared. They hovered above the cat and then it started to float up into the sky and then it just disappeared! I tried to get them to take me instead, but they just ignored me and left me behind. Talk about rejection”.

Another resident of the area, Shivani Chetty, found her cat three days after his mysterious disappearance. “I saw these weird lights in the sky and then suddenly my cat Mafuta was gone”, said Shivani. She continued: “It doesn’t matter now, I’m just so glad to have my baby Mafuta back. Although, he doesn’t seem like himself since he came home. I think those bloody aliens did something to him! If I ever get my hands on them I will karate chop them and their mothers!”.

A pet-psychic, Madame Babushka, was called in to have a consultation with little Mafuta, to see whether she could find out what happened to him and, perhaps, the rest of the missing cats. After her reading with Mafuta, Madame Babushka, with a thick Russian accent, said the following: “Ah yes, the cat say that they take him on spaceship. He say they film him and take picture and make for the popular website, Icanhascheezburger and the YouTube. He say the website is create by aliens. He say they kidnap cat for website”.

According to Mafuta (via Babushka), these innocent cats are allegedly being kidnapped to perform for the popular websites when they are running low on new stock of funny cat images and videos.

When contacted telephonically by our team for a response to these accusations, a female alien, Tits’aplenty commented: “I’m utterly appalled! It is ridiculous claims like these that fuel hatred against us extraterrestrials! So what if we occasionally anally-probe rednecks, destroy a country or eat a baby or two? Nobody’s perfect! You people act like we’re monsters or something!”. Her fellow alien, Smorgledorf, made his point crystal clear saying “We are vehemently denying these ludicrous allegations against us. There is simply no proof that we have taken any of the missing cats. Also, ignore the meowing you hear in the background. Okay bye”.

This is a very strange case indeed and we may never get to the bottom of it. For now, most of the missing cats are yet to be found. To those of our feline brethren who are still out there, we offer this message of support: Meow, meow meow meow meow, meowmeow meow.


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