MUSLIMS ARE EVIL AND THEY’RE GOING TO KILL US ALL!!!!!

Muslims are evil, haven’t you heard?! They’re all apart of either the taliban or al qaeda or isis (no I will not capitalise those names because they don’t deserve it). All Muslims want to kill innocent people and if you’re not wary, you could very well be next!!!!!

This is the view that many people in the world have of Muslim people as a whole – a fallacy which needs to be addressed right now (my apologies to those of you who gleefully followed the link expecting this to be an anti-Muslim post, you have been misled, as I intended).

Currently, it seems as though the distrust and, in some cases, outright hatred of Muslim people is at an all-time high. Terrorist groups such as al qaeda, isis, the taliban, boko haram etc. paint a grim portrait of the Islamic community in the world’s view and it seems that some believe “Well hey, these guys are Muslim so like, obvs all Muslims are totes the same, right?”. To put it simply, no.

Allow me to tell you something that will blow your tiny mind: the media cannot always be trusted – I will wait while you pick your jaw up off the floor. Yes, it’s true, in amongst the commercials for beer and sex stuff (I don’t know, I usually just fast forward through ad breaks) there are shows and news broadcasts which aim to shape the views of their consumers in certain ways – and this, my easily misguided friend, is called “propaganda” (*cough* FOX news *cough*) – trust me on this, I’m currently working on my Masters in Media so I know a thing or two.

Here’s the thing, not everyone likes everyone else (shocking, I know), so there are those who choose to represent information in a particular way to suit their own agendas. Of course there are those who are objective and fair and choose to share information openly and allow people to draw their own conclusions based on said information, but those people don’t get nearly the amount of attention as the other bunch because the other bunch uses sensationalism to pander to people’s fears.

Generally they pander to the fear of “OMG THESE GUYS ARE GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DON’T HATE THEM AND STOP THEM!!!” – one needs only look at the way Muslims are discriminated against today due to the actions of the minority. A recent example is of a woman in the UK who was beaten by a group of other women while fetching her child from school – what was her crime? She was Muslim.

Can you pull yourself back for a moment and imagine that? Imagine if people thought that Hitler represented all white people and therefore, all white people MUST be like him? Or that Idi Amin represented all black people and therefore all black people MUST be like him? People are marginalised daily because of what terrorist organisations are doing and claiming that their actions are in the name of Islam – but it’s clearly not because most Muslims denounce these groups, yet people don’t realise that because they are too narrow-minded to think for themselves.

I am not saying that Muslims are perfect people (I will talk to y’all about y’alls homophobia later – see me in my office), but to reduce an entire group of people to the disgusting, vile stereotype that Muslim = terrorist is absolutely abhorrent and you should be ashamed if you think this way.

While we’re at it, I hate the term “Islamophobia” (and “homophobia” too) because “phobia” means that one is fearful of something. Islamophobes (and homophobes) are not afraid, they are just hateful people whose hatred is fueled by nothing more than pure and simple ignorance. Allow me to repeat that: I-G-N-O-R-A-N-C-E; and in this day and age, ignorance is simply inexcusable.

Some of you may be wondering “Wow, random African child, you sure do care a lot about Muslims, WHY?!” – I’ll tell you why. It’s because my mother is Muslim and so is her mother and, therefore, I have Muslim blood running through my veins, my neighbours are Muslim, many of my friends are Muslim, the boy I love is Muslim too, and so I refuse to stand idly by while these people are disparaged by people who choose to not see past their noses.

But y’know what? Even if none of the above was true, I would still try to combat the ridiculous ideologies of Islamophobia, and y’know why? Because I’m not an ignorant cunt who chooses to hate people because they worship a different god than I do, or because they love someone with the same genitalia as them or because their skin colour is a shade different to my own.

We’re all human beings and it’s time to stop focusing on all our differences because they are far outweighed by our similarities.

So, in conclusion, if you were one of the ignorant ones (who actually stuck around? Wow, I’m impressed! Three cheers for you), I hope that this piece has helped you to pull your head out your ass and see the light. If not, I pity you and your sad existence.

Assalamu Alaikum

*drops mic*

Things That Need To Stop In 2K15… But Then Something Amazing Happened!

Welp, as usual, I’m late because… well I’m just so lazy, guys ☹. Happy New Year, nonetheless, homey dawgs! *throws up gang signs*

Seeing that I am the foremost authority on how to live life while being beautiful, intelligent, witty, gorgeous, flawless, smart, charming, hilarious and most importantly humble, I have devised a list of things that need to go away in 2015:

1. Being Shitty On Social Media

I’ve noticed a trend on websites like Facebook and Twitter where people think they have free reign to say anything they wish because they’re behind their keyboards, and that there is no consequences for their actions.

I have to admit that I have fallen into this trap many times in the past. It’s very easy to say something awful to someone who is just a picture and a name on a screen – but we often forget these are real people with real emotions and putting them down to make yourself feel better is just a shitty thing to do.

2. Being Shitty In Real Life

And then we have those people who are just nasty in reality for the heck of it. We all know those people who get joy from bringing others down. Don’t be that person, nobody likes that person. If you ever encounter such a person, don’t attempt to fight fire with fire – you just get more fire – instead show them kindness. It will truly baffle them.

3. Comparing Yourself To Others

Put your hand up if you’re guilty of this one… Okay now tell me if you put your hand up; I can’t see you. I am terribly guilty of this. Often you see these picture perfect people on TV or in magazines, hell, sometimes even in reality and you think “She’s so pretty, why can’t I look like that?”, “Look at his six pack, I wish I had a six pack like that”, “I hate my body, why cant my body look like hers”, “My stretch marks are absolutely hideous, I wish I had smooth skin like him” (Yup, men get stretch marks too and some of us hate it just as much as some ladies do).

You see, the problem with comparing yourself to other people is – you will never ever be them, no matter how hard you try. You need to learn to accept yourself as you are and to change the things you can’t accept.

Remember: You can only be the best version of you. Wait I think I stole that from Oprah.

4. Putting Yourself Down

Nobody likes to fail, simple as that. No one wakes up in the morning and thinks “Damn, I can’t wait to go and screw something up today lol!”. We cannot control everything that happens in life and because of that, yes, sometimes we will fail.

It does not mean we are bad people, it does not mean that we are stupid or worthless, or any of that bad stuff. What is simply means is that we are human. We all make mistakes and we should grow and learn from them, rather than beating ourselves up over them.

5. Bucket Hats

No. Please. Please go.

6. Posting Clickbait

You all know those links that pop up on Facebook and Twitter with titles like “Woman Was Being Eaten By A Bear… But Then Something Amazing Happened!”. No. We don’t care, we hope you get eaten by a bear too.

7. Complaining

We all just complain too much. I think if we appreciated the small things in life, we’d be much happier people. Hey, there’s pizza in the world, there’s bacon (omfg bacon) (ignore this if you are Muslim or Jewish), there are cute little puppies and sweet little babies. And the best part about babies is that you can give them back to their parents when you’re tired of them. Pure bliss! No more complaining in 2K15 (unless I do it because I’m totally justified).

8. Socks And Sandals

*screams horrifically for 12 years*

9. Neglecting Loved Ones

The sad truth of the matter is that the people we love will not be around forever. Often we forget that our time is limited so we postpone plans and put off spending time with those we care for most. “I guess I’ll see you another time”, well what if that time never comes? Life is but a fleeting moment, snatched away before we even know it.

So go and spend time with your friends and family because one day when your time on this mortal coil is over, you’re not going to lie on your deathbed and think “I’m so glad I spent my life working”.

10. Making Us Look At/Talk To Your Babies

tbh babies are super cute, except for when they’re just born. It makes me really uncomfortable when I have to meet a baby for the first time because they’re really ugly and what do you say to a baby? They don’t even try to add anything to the conversation. Oh googoo gaga? Well thanks for that amazing input, asshole.

Please don’t make me talk to your baby or have to look at it until it becomes cute, thanks.

11. Believing Everything We Read On The Internet

Anyone can spout any garbage they want on the internet. Some people take this as the absolute truth and never stop for a moment to question the validity of some of these claims. I’m here to tell you to believe none of it, except for what I say:

• No, there is no illuminati.
• There is no “gay agenda” and we are not trying to turn anyone gay. We are not the army, we don’t recruit.
• Yes, in real life, I actually look the way I do in my profile pictures.
• Dogs love you, cats tolerate you.
• Aliens are real.
• Money can buy you happiness.
• There is no 5-second rule. Don’t eat food off the floor, you pig.
• Mullets are out but perms are somehow still in? (Either that or the people I have seen didn’t get the memo)
• Moths are evil, don’t trust them around your children.
• Twerking will live forever. Don’t ever stop twerking.
• You have never seen me and Beyoncé in the same room at the same time. Think about that.

Here’s to an amazing 2K15!