The Wild, Wild… Internet.

I need to address something serious that has been on my mind lately: My being an intersectional activist (of sorts) and the reactions that have arisen because of it.

I try to combat various issues including homophobia, racism, islamophobia, transphobia & misogyny. Usually if I see something on Facebook/Twitter/wherever that I know is problematic, I will comment (as one with a social conscience will tend to do) and I have received some backlash that I never, ever expected.

Some of my favourite insults directed at me include that I’m a “sand nigger”, that they wanted to defile “my book” (the Quran), that I deserve to be murdered for being a Muslim, that I support terrorism and some implication that I fornicate with goats because I look Middle Eastern – you gotta laugh, right? For the record, I’m an Atheist – a militant one at that, and for those of you who’re unaware, I’m South African – but evidently because I’m of Indian descent and have a beard in my profile picture, that means I’m an Iraqi Muslim or something – the kind of brilliant reasoning one can expect from some internet users.

My issue here lies with the lawless nature of the internet – people can say what they want to who they want, whenever they want with absolutely no consequences. You can log onto social media, call someone a moffie/faggot/kaffir/nigger/tranny/etc. all from the comfort of your own home and then log off and go watch TV or something while completely ruining someone else’s day, isn’t technology wonderful?

I hate the fact that some anonymous asshole can spew vitriol from behind a keyboard and get away with it and think they’re some kind of hero – and the worst part is that there are so many people who will “like” comments which are bigoted and derogatory so the person saying it doesn’t realise just how wrong what they’re promoting is.

Then those of us who speak out against ignorance get targeted and called “social justice warriors” and “feminazis” in an attempt to belittle our efforts and cause. Just FYI: trying to diminish our fight against bigotry doesn’t make you a person of strong moral fiber, it makes you look like a narrow-minded, knuckle-dragger who is terrified of progression of ideology.

In case you’re confused, I’m not writing this for myself – as anyone who knows me personally will attest – I don’t give two shits about what anyone says or thinks about me – never have and certainly never will (unless you’re Beyoncé. PLEASE LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE YOU QUEEN B!!!!! *sobs*). But the reality is that there are people in the world for whom such derogatory words have a great impact and I’m tired of people flinging them about as easily as they do.

To those of you who behave repugnantly on the internet because you know that it’s more than likely that you’ll never have to deal with the consequences of your actions: next time, think before you type. Sitting behind your computer, gleefully typing up derogatory comments does not make you cool, it does not make you macho, it does not make you edgy and it damn sure doesn’t make you a hero to the people – what it makes you is a coward because I guarantee majority of you would not say the things you do hiding behind the mask of anonymity if the people you were saying it to were standing in front of you.

To the rest of my “social justice warriors”, “white knights” and “feminazis”, keep fighting the good fight because even if you manage to educate ONE moronic bigot in your entire life, that is a victory.



Muslims are evil, haven’t you heard?! They’re all apart of either the taliban or al qaeda or isis (no I will not capitalise those names because they don’t deserve it). All Muslims want to kill innocent people and if you’re not wary, you could very well be next!!!!!

This is the view that many people in the world have of Muslim people as a whole – a fallacy which needs to be addressed right now (my apologies to those of you who gleefully followed the link expecting this to be an anti-Muslim post, you have been misled, as I intended).

Currently, it seems as though the distrust and, in some cases, outright hatred of Muslim people is at an all-time high. Terrorist groups such as al qaeda, isis, the taliban, boko haram etc. paint a grim portrait of the Islamic community in the world’s view and it seems that some believe “Well hey, these guys are Muslim so like, obvs all Muslims are totes the same, right?”. To put it simply, no.

Allow me to tell you something that will blow your tiny mind: the media cannot always be trusted – I will wait while you pick your jaw up off the floor. Yes, it’s true, in amongst the commercials for beer and sex stuff (I don’t know, I usually just fast forward through ad breaks) there are shows and news broadcasts which aim to shape the views of their consumers in certain ways – and this, my easily misguided friend, is called “propaganda” (*cough* FOX news *cough*) – trust me on this, I’m currently working on my Masters in Media so I know a thing or two.

Here’s the thing, not everyone likes everyone else (shocking, I know), so there are those who choose to represent information in a particular way to suit their own agendas. Of course there are those who are objective and fair and choose to share information openly and allow people to draw their own conclusions based on said information, but those people don’t get nearly the amount of attention as the other bunch because the other bunch uses sensationalism to pander to people’s fears.

Generally they pander to the fear of “OMG THESE GUYS ARE GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DON’T HATE THEM AND STOP THEM!!!” – one needs only look at the way Muslims are discriminated against today due to the actions of the minority. A recent example is of a woman in the UK who was beaten by a group of other women while fetching her child from school – what was her crime? She was Muslim.

Can you pull yourself back for a moment and imagine that? Imagine if people thought that Hitler represented all white people and therefore, all white people MUST be like him? Or that Idi Amin represented all black people and therefore all black people MUST be like him? People are marginalised daily because of what terrorist organisations are doing and claiming that their actions are in the name of Islam – but it’s clearly not because most Muslims denounce these groups, yet people don’t realise that because they are too narrow-minded to think for themselves.

I am not saying that Muslims are perfect people (I will talk to y’all about y’alls homophobia later – see me in my office), but to reduce an entire group of people to the disgusting, vile stereotype that Muslim = terrorist is absolutely abhorrent and you should be ashamed if you think this way.

While we’re at it, I hate the term “Islamophobia” (and “homophobia” too) because “phobia” means that one is fearful of something. Islamophobes (and homophobes) are not afraid, they are just hateful people whose hatred is fueled by nothing more than pure and simple ignorance. Allow me to repeat that: I-G-N-O-R-A-N-C-E; and in this day and age, ignorance is simply inexcusable.

Some of you may be wondering “Wow, random African child, you sure do care a lot about Muslims, WHY?!” – I’ll tell you why. It’s because my mother is Muslim and so is her mother and, therefore, I have Muslim blood running through my veins, my neighbours are Muslim, many of my friends are Muslim, the boy I love is Muslim too, and so I refuse to stand idly by while these people are disparaged by people who choose to not see past their noses.

But y’know what? Even if none of the above was true, I would still try to combat the ridiculous ideologies of Islamophobia, and y’know why? Because I’m not an ignorant cunt who chooses to hate people because they worship a different god than I do, or because they love someone with the same genitalia as them or because their skin colour is a shade different to my own.

We’re all human beings and it’s time to stop focusing on all our differences because they are far outweighed by our similarities.

So, in conclusion, if you were one of the ignorant ones (who actually stuck around? Wow, I’m impressed! Three cheers for you), I hope that this piece has helped you to pull your head out your ass and see the light. If not, I pity you and your sad existence.

Assalamu Alaikum

*drops mic*

To The LGBT+ Community

To my beautiful lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, queer, intersex and asexual family: I know.

I know how confusing it was when you thought that maybe you were different to everyone else and how terrifying it was when you realised that you were. I know that you didn’t want to be different because being different meant that you more likely than not would not be accepted.

I know what it feels like to be afraid to tell those you love most about what you are going through, for fear that they will reject you and you’ll lose everything you hold most dear in life.

I know what it feels like to have hateful people rob you of your God. They quote their scriptures word for word, line by line, explaining why God hates our sin. This is what they call our love, a “sin”. They believe our love is different to theirs because it does not fit into their pretty little boxes that we’re forced to live within – this is what they call a sin. They say that our love is the same as rape and murder and bestiality.

They will lecture you for hours on end using scriptures and their divine information (which they apparently got straight from God) about why you are a sinner, but they forget that their books also say that God alone can judge and to love your neighbour as you love yourself. God makes no mistakes – but not if you’re gay because you werent born that way and that’s wrong.

They will dehumanise you and demoralise who you are as a person using their God and their books as their weapon – and then have the audacity to turn around and tell you that God loves you and that you will be forgiven for your “sin” should you give up your evil ways, but we know in our hearts that our love is no less real and pure than theirs.

I know what it feels like to be treated as a second class citizen. People say that being LGBT is a choice. Of course it’s a choice! Who wouldn’t choose to be dehumanised on a daily basis? Who wouldn’t choose to be rejected by the ones they love? Who wouldn’t choose to be mocked, called names, be beaten and sometimes murdered because of who they love?

Women are violated in the most awful ways imaginable, men and boys are murdered because the hateful say their books tell them that our love means that we deserve to die. I have seen men gleefully talk about raping lesbian women and murdering gay men – it is great fun to them. Our lives are nothing to them. Our lives have no value in their eyes.

They will call gay men disgusting, vile names and taunt them, condemn them and beat them to a bloody pulp, then go home and masturbate to lesbian porn.

I know what it is like to not be a person but rather to be an object. LGBT people are not humans, we are tokens. We are objects to be hated, hated because of ignorance. People know of us but they do not know us. We are just things to them that exist in the world.

They say that suddenly gay is popular. They ask “Why is it all of a sudden there are so many gay people?” I’ll tell them why: Because they have erased our people from the annals of history. They have erased our struggles and our stories because according them we do not deserve our stories told. There have always been LGBT people in the world, and just because they refused to recognise us does not negate our existence.

I know how it feels when people treat the LGBT community as a joke. They treat our struggles as if they are not real issues. They brush it off and laugh about it. “Gay” is used as a synonym for “stupid”.

One needs only look at the recent controversy surrounding Caitlyn Jenner. Amid the overwhelming support and love, there are people making a mockery of her. “He’s confused” “A 65 year old man suddenly decides he wants to be a woman?” “He’s doing it for publicity” “I’m still calling HIM BRUCE” “That’s not a woman, that’s an IT”. Ignorance at its finest.

I know the all the nights you have cried yourself to sleep, begging God to make you “normal”. I know how deeply it hurts when people spew hate and vitriol at you, and that you carry that within yourself questioning whether maybe, just maybe they’re right. I know that you live in fear that the wrong people may find out about who you are and that harm may come to you – they don’t know how damaging their hatred can be.

But I know something else: I know that your struggles are more difficult than anyone could ever imagine, but that it makes you a stronger and braver person. I know the immense strength that it takes to be proud of who you are in a world where not everybody is willing to accept it. I know that your love is real and true and valid.

I know these things because I am you and you are me. You are never alone in this world because we are a family and family sticks together. Nobody knows how much it hurts and how hard it is, but we know. You think that nobody loves you and nobody supports you, but we do.

My beautiful LGBT+ family, there is nothing wrong with us, our love is not a sin no matter what any hateful bigot says. Never let their words fool you, God (Jesus/Allah/Vishnu/Isis/Flying Spaghetti Monster) loves unconditionally – only people are hateful.

Believe me when I say – we are worthy of every beautiful, amazing thing this world has to offer. Never let anyone tell you any different. xx

PS: Next time someone tells you you’re going to hell, tell them to go fuck themself.

Who Am I?

Ooh yeah, bet you guys weren’t expecting questions of an existential nature from the guy who was posting about aliens and super-powered people blowing other people’s butts off 2 years ago, were you?

That’s how life works, right? We learn and we grow and we better ourselves, or at least that’s what’s supposed to happen.

I’d like to think that human beings are designed to be constantly evolving (in a metaphorical sense, before anyone wants to lecture me about Creationism – a topic for another day, perhaps in about a million years in the future when humans have gills because we adapted because… y’know… evolution 😉 ).

I’d also like to think that I am not alone in having periodic existential crises, maybe because, in part, that makes me feel less alone *violin music begins to play in the background* *a single tear rolls down my cheek as I stare wistfully into the distance*

The reason for the title of this post is because I do feel that I am still searching for who I really am. Here’s what I know for sure so far: My name is Nikolai, I’m 22 years old, I am a proud South African, I’m a Master’s student, I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner, I’m a sain-No sorry, I’m thinking of Alanis Morisette.

I think as much as we like to define ourselves as this or that and fit ourselves into certain boxes, it’s really a lot harder than people make it seem.

Part of my anxiety about the issue is that I feel time is passing me by so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting at home watching The Power Rangers and… scratch that, it actually was yesterday. Bad example.

Thing is, I don’t want to wake up someday and realise that 50 years have passed me by and I just wasted them because I was a lost soul searching or trying to fall in line with the expectations of others in the hope of somehow, some way finding some sort of deeper meaning.

I know I don’t want to be defined by the colour of my skin or the way I talk or how much I weigh, or what god I choose to worship (or not), or how much money I have in the bank, you get the point. So then I am once again left with the question: Who am I? Not so easy to answer when you strip away all the things you think define you as a person.

As for me, and as for right now, I don’t even have a semblance of an answer and I’m starting to think that maybe that’s okay. I mean, I doubt many people had themselves or their lives figured out at 22. I don’t have to have all the answers to life because I know of an omnipotent, omniscient being who is greater than me that does: Oprah.

Anyway, one day when I figure out the secrets of the Universe, you will be forced to accept me as your merciful god-king and bow before me, but until that glorious day arrives, I will continue to ask: Who Am I? Maybe someday I will have an answer.

I Think Therefore I Am, But I Am Not Forever.

“Holy Sonnet X” – John Donne

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think’st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,

And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and souls deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and
desperate men,

And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell’st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally, And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
Death, ironically, the only surety in life.

Many fear it because we don’t know what awaits us on the other side – or if there even is an “other side” for that matter. Yes there are many with conflicting views; some say there is a Heaven and a Hell and you’ll be judged for your earthly actions and sent to either. Others believe that your soul will be recycled and sent back to Earth for a new life etc. etc.

I have recently come to a realisation – I am not okay with my own mortality. It’s all very well and good to be bold and say that one does not fear death, but I think that deep down, everyone is at least a little bit afraid, even if they won’t admit to it.

I fear the day that my loved ones will be taken from me. I lost my Aunt last year (2014) and it is still unbelievable to me. I often think of her in the present tense and then realisation, like a swift punch to the stomach, brings me back to reality. My grandfather passed away when I was 7 years old and to this day, I cannot think of him without getting emotional. Clearly I do not deal well with loss (a topic for another day).

I fear the day that I am taken from this world. I often wonder to myself “When I die, I wonder if people will miss me”. By the time I shuffle off this mortal coil, I want to know that I made some sort of mark on the world and in people’s lives – but how can I know?

Perhaps the scariest part of death is that it doesn’t keep a calendar. The uncertainty of when it will strike is what scares me to no end. Death comes like a thief in the night and robs us of our most precious possessions.

A quote by James Baldwin illustrates my point more eloquently:

Life is tragic simply because the earth turns and the sun inexorably rises and sets, and one day, for each of us, the sun will go down for the last, last time.

This is all terribly morbid, isn’t it? But there is a reason I started this piece out with John Donne’s “Holy Sonnet X” aka “Death Be Not Proud”. We do not have the answers when it comes to death – nor do I think we will ever, but perhaps if we are able to change the way we think of it, it loses its power over us.

We can conquer death, maybe not in a literal sense, but in a more abstract one. If we remove the notion of “finality” from death, then it becomes another part of life.

I believe that we are not our physical bodies, but that once this vessel ceases to function, that our souls will continue on in our journey. I believe in a thereafter; that one day we will be reunited with the ones we love in a place called Paradise. So I echo the words of John Donne and say death be not proud because “One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally, And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Things That Need To Stop In 2K15… But Then Something Amazing Happened!

Welp, as usual, I’m late because… well I’m just so lazy, guys ☹. Happy New Year, nonetheless, homey dawgs! *throws up gang signs*

Seeing that I am the foremost authority on how to live life while being beautiful, intelligent, witty, gorgeous, flawless, smart, charming, hilarious and most importantly humble, I have devised a list of things that need to go away in 2015:

1. Being Shitty On Social Media

I’ve noticed a trend on websites like Facebook and Twitter where people think they have free reign to say anything they wish because they’re behind their keyboards, and that there is no consequences for their actions.

I have to admit that I have fallen into this trap many times in the past. It’s very easy to say something awful to someone who is just a picture and a name on a screen – but we often forget these are real people with real emotions and putting them down to make yourself feel better is just a shitty thing to do.

2. Being Shitty In Real Life

And then we have those people who are just nasty in reality for the heck of it. We all know those people who get joy from bringing others down. Don’t be that person, nobody likes that person. If you ever encounter such a person, don’t attempt to fight fire with fire – you just get more fire – instead show them kindness. It will truly baffle them.

3. Comparing Yourself To Others

Put your hand up if you’re guilty of this one… Okay now tell me if you put your hand up; I can’t see you. I am terribly guilty of this. Often you see these picture perfect people on TV or in magazines, hell, sometimes even in reality and you think “She’s so pretty, why can’t I look like that?”, “Look at his six pack, I wish I had a six pack like that”, “I hate my body, why cant my body look like hers”, “My stretch marks are absolutely hideous, I wish I had smooth skin like him” (Yup, men get stretch marks too and some of us hate it just as much as some ladies do).

You see, the problem with comparing yourself to other people is – you will never ever be them, no matter how hard you try. You need to learn to accept yourself as you are and to change the things you can’t accept.

Remember: You can only be the best version of you. Wait I think I stole that from Oprah.

4. Putting Yourself Down

Nobody likes to fail, simple as that. No one wakes up in the morning and thinks “Damn, I can’t wait to go and screw something up today lol!”. We cannot control everything that happens in life and because of that, yes, sometimes we will fail.

It does not mean we are bad people, it does not mean that we are stupid or worthless, or any of that bad stuff. What is simply means is that we are human. We all make mistakes and we should grow and learn from them, rather than beating ourselves up over them.

5. Bucket Hats

No. Please. Please go.

6. Posting Clickbait

You all know those links that pop up on Facebook and Twitter with titles like “Woman Was Being Eaten By A Bear… But Then Something Amazing Happened!”. No. We don’t care, we hope you get eaten by a bear too.

7. Complaining

We all just complain too much. I think if we appreciated the small things in life, we’d be much happier people. Hey, there’s pizza in the world, there’s bacon (omfg bacon) (ignore this if you are Muslim or Jewish), there are cute little puppies and sweet little babies. And the best part about babies is that you can give them back to their parents when you’re tired of them. Pure bliss! No more complaining in 2K15 (unless I do it because I’m totally justified).

8. Socks And Sandals

*screams horrifically for 12 years*

9. Neglecting Loved Ones

The sad truth of the matter is that the people we love will not be around forever. Often we forget that our time is limited so we postpone plans and put off spending time with those we care for most. “I guess I’ll see you another time”, well what if that time never comes? Life is but a fleeting moment, snatched away before we even know it.

So go and spend time with your friends and family because one day when your time on this mortal coil is over, you’re not going to lie on your deathbed and think “I’m so glad I spent my life working”.

10. Making Us Look At/Talk To Your Babies

tbh babies are super cute, except for when they’re just born. It makes me really uncomfortable when I have to meet a baby for the first time because they’re really ugly and what do you say to a baby? They don’t even try to add anything to the conversation. Oh googoo gaga? Well thanks for that amazing input, asshole.

Please don’t make me talk to your baby or have to look at it until it becomes cute, thanks.

11. Believing Everything We Read On The Internet

Anyone can spout any garbage they want on the internet. Some people take this as the absolute truth and never stop for a moment to question the validity of some of these claims. I’m here to tell you to believe none of it, except for what I say:

• No, there is no illuminati.
• There is no “gay agenda” and we are not trying to turn anyone gay. We are not the army, we don’t recruit.
• Yes, in real life, I actually look the way I do in my profile pictures.
• Dogs love you, cats tolerate you.
• Aliens are real.
• Money can buy you happiness.
• There is no 5-second rule. Don’t eat food off the floor, you pig.
• Mullets are out but perms are somehow still in? (Either that or the people I have seen didn’t get the memo)
• Moths are evil, don’t trust them around your children.
• Twerking will live forever. Don’t ever stop twerking.
• You have never seen me and Beyoncé in the same room at the same time. Think about that.

Here’s to an amazing 2K15!

Weddings n Stuff

Holy guacamole! I haven’t posted one of these things in like, forevz. Sorry bout that! Anyway, I’m back and sexier than ever! Hehehe.

Sooo, being that we’re all strangers, I should do the normal thing that us internet folk do and share my life with you all: My cousin’s getting married tomorrow! Yes, quite exciting isn’t it?

Weddings are a joyous time in any family because you get to see all your relatives and get drunk… uh, I mean celebrate love and the joining of two souls into one and etc. Anywho, this is the first of two weddings I’ll be attending in the space of two months and it’s pretty cool because then I’ll be like, the only one on my father’s side of the family who’s not married and who’s destined to die alone (well, hopefully).

I personally don’t ever wanna get married because, let’s be real here, marriage is gross. I could never stand to be tied down to one person for the rest of my life. Not to pretend that the sun shines outta my butt either – I’m sure no one would be able to handle alllllll’a this jelly for the duration of their lives. I joke, of course. The reason no one could marry me is because no one would be able to handle the fact that I’m so much better than them. But in all seriousness, marriage is cool if that’s your vibe and if you’re not Kim Kardashian (Ooh burrrrrnnnn).

My only prospects for marriage currently is a giant bag of Supreme Cheese Doritos. Well, at least I know I’ll enjoy the wedding night.

Anyway, in closing, I came up with a super awesome joke for you all:

Holy matrimony? More like “Holy matriMONEY” because she’s going to take half your stuff when she leaves you! Am I right?! Am I right, guys?! … guys?

Uhhhh, stay in school and hugs not drugs. Okaybye guys 😐

Kelly Osbourne vs. Lady Gaga… and Me?

Hello my little love muffins! I know I’ve been neglecting you all and you’ve missed me terribly but I’ve just been so busy at University that I’ve forgotten to update you guys – I am gutted and will try my utmost to update more often. Anyway, I have a new story to share with you all so grab your popcorn and coke (the drink, you guys) and read on. Be warned, it’s a long one.

I’m sure many of you know who Lady Gaga is but, how many of you know who Kelly Osbourne is? Well, for those of you who don’t, Kelly O is daughter of famed “Black Sabbath” rocker Ozzy Osbourne and his wife, Sharon Osbourne. Kelly is on the panel of E! Entertainment’s show “Fashion Police”, whose job is to critique what celebrities wear on a weakly basis. Here’s where the drama between Gaga and Kelly started: A while back, on an episode of Fashion Police, Kelly said that Gaga was “disrespectful” for not walking the Grammys’ red carpet and also referred to her as a “butter face”; this clearly infuriated Lady Gaga’s “Little Monsters”.

They began to bombard Kelly with hateful comments, even going as far as to send her death threats and to say that they hoped that she would get raped, get AIDS and die. Were all these vile and hateful attacks on Kelly warranted? Certainly not.

Lady Gaga published an open letter addressing the situation to which Sharon, Kelly’s mother, responded with this. Things had been silent for a while, that is until Kelly was chosen to be on the cover of a recent issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. In it, Kelly was asked about her and Gaga’s “feud” and she responded by calling Gaga a “hypocrite”, amongst other things.

And here’s where I come in: Upon reading Kelly’s latest comments, I took it upon myself to be Lady Gaga’s great defender (roflol). I wasn’t angry, per se, I was just irritated at the way Kelly and Sharon kept bringing this up as if Lady Gaga had any control over what her fans were saying.

So I tweeted Kelly the following:
”I sympathised with you the first time around but really, grow up and get over it now. Stop milking this “feud” with Gaga. What do you expect when you talk shit about people’s idol? I’m not defending the vile comments made towards you at all, but you need to realise that there are consequences attached when your job is literally to trash people’s appearances. Furthermore, it’s not your first time at the rodeo. You act like it’s the first time people have attacked you. You’ve been famous for God knows how long, so you know full-well that hate comes with the territory. I really did feel bad for you, but you and Sharon constantly bringing up Gaga not defending you is getting real old real fast. I’m not saying that what ”monsters” say to you is acceptable by any means, but constantly playing the victim solves nothing. My dear, don’t misunderstand me, I love you and your mother dearly but it’s a bit much to see Gaga brought up constantly by you.

And to my utter surprise, Kelly actually responded to me:
“We get asked, we don’t bring up. This has been going on for almost 2 years. No one deserves this. I will always stick up for myself. In no way am I playing anything other then the card I was dealt!” and when I told her that it wasn’t fair that she makes it seem that Gaga can magically control her fans, she responded with: “Don’t be a self-proclaimed Mother if you don’t want to take responsibility for your children!

I personally think that it’s utterly ludicrous for one to think that any celebrity can brainwash/control their fans into following their every command, even if we’re talking about Lady Gaga’s cult-like followers, the “Little Monsters”. Another question that needs to be raised though is, what is celebrity culture doing to our society? Are we so invested in what goes on in the lives of people who don’t even know we exist that we’re willing to attack people so violently and vehemently if they speak a word against them? People nowadays are so deluded by the fact that celebrities are more accessible than ever, that they truly believe that they have a say in their lives, in my opinion at least.

Anyway, after it all, Kelly O told me that it was refreshing to talk to someone like me who could hold their own without being rude and sweetened the deal by following me. I returned the follow and told her we could be BFFs to which she shot me an “xoxox 😉”. So, all’s well that ends well?

The Land of Gods and Monsters.

Ah dreams, they can be so lovely. Lovely and also weird as shit. Take some time to reflect on your own dreams while you read this so you can introspect and also so that you don’t realise what a garbage post this is going to be.

I have a tendency of having either really grandiose dreams where I’m like, a super awesome hero or I’m macking on some gorgeous babe or really weird dreams where the strangest things can happen.

For example, one of the weird dreams that really stuck with me involved Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber, The Joker (Heath Ledger version), some random guy who was burning bodies and me having telekinetic powers. I’ll leave you to make the connection between all of these things for yourself, because you need to exercise your brains but also, because I’m too lazy to type it out.

Dreams can be pretty kickass because we get to do stuff in them that we can’t in reality. We can fly, we can be a worldwide superstar (which I’m going to be soon anyway… but I digress), we can literally do anything we wish… or can we? Unless you’re capable of lucid dreaming, your dreams are pretty much guaranteed to be a mass of just utter nonsense.

On the flip-side of dreams, we have nightmares. Nightmares are created by satan when you don’t eat your vegetables and hug your moms… haha! Just kidding! (But you should totally do both of those things because they’re important). According to The Business Insider (because apparently dreams fall under “Business” nowadays), common nightmares include: Being chased, having teeth fall out, being naked in public, drowning and seeing Rosie O’Donnell naked. Okay I made that last one up, but seriously… imagine that. Nightmares are the uncool, younger brother of dreams who hates the world and wants to make everyone as miserable as they are… hey wait, that’s also a description of me.

Anyway, dreams are weird but also cool but can also be scary and also, I don’t actually know what this post is about so bye.

World’s Best Protest… EVERRR!

Hello all my little lovely readers! I know I’ve been quiet but I’m going to make up for it with an awesome story about something that happened yesterday.

To give you all a little background, I’m doing my Honours in Media this year and it’s been pretty cool so far. That is until we found out that the exam for our research module would be a 4-hour long paper directly after we have a ton of work due. So upon learning this, my classmates and I devised an ingenious plan: We would protest the examination.

So we hatched our brilliant plan: We would all march to the course administrator’s office, lay down the law and ask… nay, DEMAND that the exam be cancelled! And yesterday, the plan was set in motion.

Our little ragtag superhero group of Stephanie, Zippy, Shivani, Tayla, Shweppes & myself all fired each other up and took the long walk to the course administrator’s office… and that’s where the plan pretty much fell apart.

As soon as we reached the door, we pushed Stephanie and Shweppes into the room to be our spokespeople and I ran to the back of the group, just in case any dookie was about to hit the fan. Then I noticed that everyone else in the group was going in, so I did too… just to present a united front.

So there we stood, the chosen 6 who were going to fight the good fight. We stood strong and proud; after all, it was all of us against one woman. We glared at her, a look of worry flashed across her face as she looked at us… and we all froze.

We all stood there in silence, hoping that one of the others would say something but no one did. That is until Stephanie, in her most confident and confrontational voice boomed: “Uhhh, we were just wondering about the exam… ?”. And then we stood there and listened to our options for the exam – none of which included not writing it.

When the administrator was done talking, we all reluctantly accepted our fate, turned around and left her office, feeling quite deflated. So in essence, we accomplished what we set out to do… minus the part where we totally didn’t.

You would think that with the propensity that us South Africans have for protest action, that we would have been able to swing the situation in our favour slightly better but, alas, it wasn’t so.

Oh well, at least I know that if there’s ever a time when my classmates and I need to band together to tackle a social injustice, we’ll be able to do it. We’ll fail miserably, but we’ll assemble so awesomely that we’d even put The Avengers to shame.

Remember: The next time you need a group of people to stand nervously behind you while you address someone, we’re available.